Monday, December 22, 2003

when you start to write you hoppe to write somethig epic, something amazing and full of significance. i still have yet to figure out how to do that. so for know i write what i know, and how i feel.
My lifeis a story waiting to be told. commonly i wonder how any of us in my family made it past four years old with our killing one another.
my mother always told us that we would start world war III if we didn't cool it. she was right we should have started it. my family drives me soo nuts. When i am kept inside for more than 5 hours here i start to get cabin fever. sometimes i feel that i should just move to a nut house, it's like i already live in one.
My brothers are always dissing me, telling me to shut up, or calling me names , or just yelling at me for no real reason.
My father only had one female in his life; his mother. she didn't coddle him or stand up for him when his father yelled. so when his father kicked him out after graduation that he grew up too fast. he just became hard and bitter. he feels that his life was so hard that we all have it way to easy. He commonly favors my brothers and disregards my feelings often. he also has a temper problem.
My motheris so kind i feel pain for her. her boss walks all over he and rarely stands up for herself at work or at home. like i daid earlyer my father doesn't realate to wemon well. also my mother is so emotional that i feel sad for her, she cries all the time. and ussualy for no reason. She has NO controll over anything so she tries to controll me.
So then there is me. Who am I? i'm not really sure yet. but like i said i write what i know so here are the facts.
fact 1. at home i am rarely happy. but at school, camp, with friends, or at church i couldn't be happyer. i'm not sure why i am not bitter or upset all the time becasue believe me i used to be, but now that God is in my life I love it. He has blessed me with everything i have ever had, my friends, singing, acting my aunts, and my grandparents, and most of all my voice. my oppions.
fact 2.i love art. to paint, take photos, to sing, to act, the simple expressions to show others how i feel through thier eyes so that THEY may understand.
fact 3. i'm VERY independant. i understand things the way they are. i am very down to earth.
Fact 4. i love to talk. to be heard(commomly i am told to shut up, i am not heard.) i like to be full of life and to enjoy every momment that passes me.
fact 5. i want to love and to be loved. I want nothing more thatn to be married, have kids and to be HAPPY with God at my side.
God was never there when i was a kid and i would never turn him away now.

I don't know the roads that will take me to were i will go in life but i do know that God has plans for me, plans to embrass me and not to harm me.

~ Merri

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